Spoiling Your Kid/s

I got this infos from www.drphil.com, which interests me a lot.

Your primary job as a parent is to prepare your child for how the world really works. In the real world, you don't always get what you want. You will be better able to deal with that as an adult if you've experienced it as a child.

* If your parent/child relationship is based on material goods, your child won't have the chance to experience unconditional love.

*Be a good role model. "We're not the only influence in our kids' lives, so we better be the best influence,".

*Redefine what taking care of your children means. Are you providing for them emotionally and spiritually? You need not buy them material goods in order to create a bond. Instead of tangible gifts, how about spending some time together? Be careful that you aren't teaching them that emotions can be healed by a trip to the mall.

* Don't let your guilt get in the way of your parenting. "Your job as a parent is not to make yourself feel good by giving the child everything that makes you feel good when you give it,". Your job as a parent is to prepare your child to succeed in school and when they get out into the world. "Kids have to be socialized in a way that they understand you work hard for what you get." You don't want to teach your child that they will get everything through manipulation, pouting, crying, door slamming and guilt induction.

* Make sure your children aren't defining their happiness and their status in the world as a function of what they wear or drive. Sit down with them and have a one-on-one conversation about what really defines their worth — their intelligence, their creativity, their caring, their giving, their work ethic, etc. If you spent equal time sitting down and talking to them about what really mattered as you do shopping, you might be able counterbalance the countless images they see telling them otherwise.

* Understand "intrinsic" versus "extrinsic" motivation. Intrinsic motivation is when people do things because they feel proud of themselves when they do it. They feel a sense of accomplishment and achievement. Extrinsic motivation is when someone does something because of external motivation. For example, they will receive money, a toy or priviledge if they do the task. If you are always rewarding your child with material things, he/she will never learn how to motivate themselves with internal rewards like pride. They also will never learn to value things because there are so many things and nothing is special.

* Make sure your child understands the value of hard work. For example, Dr. Phil explains, "I always told our boys, 'If you make Cs, you're going to have a C standard of living. If you make Bs, you're going to have a B standard of living. If you make As, you're going to have an A standard of living.'"

* Dr. Phil reminds one young guest who aspires to be wealthy that it's not a bad goal, but it takes a lot of hard work to get there. "The difference between winners and losers is winners do things losers don't want to do. And that's work hard to get ready to be a star," he says.

* If your child idolizes a celebrity, ask him/her why. Dr. Phil speaks to one young guest who looks up to rich girls like Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie. "What have either of them ever done, except spend money that they got from somebody else? What is it you're looking up to?"

* Your child does not have to love you every minute of every day. He'll get over the disappointment of having been told "no." But he won't get over the effects of being spoiled.

* Help your child set goals. Teach him/her that striving to own nice things is fine if he/she understands how much hard work it takes to afford that, and then doesn't base his/her self-worth around what she buys.

How far would you go on spoiling your child/children? For sure every parent would love nothing but the best for their kids. But I guess some, me included; gets confused between giving their little ones emotional love and feel-good (spoiling) love.

I know I am kinda guilty about spoiling Kaiden when it comes to giving/buying him lots of toys and somehow giving in to him all the time. But I know I draw the line on how far he can go. I feel so thankful that kaiden is growing up well-mannered and disciplined in a way. Hubby always says that Kaiden's got me all wrapped-up in his little finger. Being a first time Mum, I learned how hard it is to say "NO". But that is also one way of showing your love. Your child shouldn't have to grow having an easy life. I don't mean that you should make it hard for him/her, but just make them realize that life in the outside world is very harsh, rough and hard. Hubby and I used to have disagreement on how I treat Kaiden. What hit me was when he said that: "You won't be with Kaiden to protect him forever. He must learn to stand with his own two feet and be responsible with his life. Now, that doesn't mean you won't be there for him, but let him figure out what life is, on his own." I'm getting teary-eyed as I'm typing this! I guess it's the mother's fear in me on what life has at stake for my Baby Boy!

Parenting doesn't really come easy, isn't it? There wouldn't be any textbook that will make you a perfect parent, much like what life is. I do agree that spoiling your child will not teach him/her anything. He/she will think that life is simply served in a silver platter. It's alright to give your kid material things but you should also know when to stop and make them earn what they get. We don't easily buy Kaiden toys when we're at the mall. We tell him that he has to be a good boy and not just do whatever pleases him. So far, he's doing very good!

I still have a lot to put in here, but Hubby wants to go out as soon as Kaiden wakes up. So I have to end it here. But there will be a lot of posts coming!

Hope you're all having a blessed Sunday!

Gorgeously . . .
Mrs. G