Happy Birthday Dear Bro!

My dearly departed brother will be 30 y/o, had he been alive today. He came after me. We were very close, together with my younger sister Tyn. It was just the 3 of us then. I think our closeness draws back from the strictness of our military father. There were 5 of us: me, him(+), Tyn, Sheila and Jay. Sheila and Jay came later on that's why the 3 of us already created that protective bond for each other. My Dad was so strict then and every fiber of our being feared him a lot! I'll post about that in my later entries.

My brother Jojo died a very sudden death. He used to drink a glass of milk before going to bed at night. And that particular night of 31 August 1995 was just like one of those nights. Till he started coughing and later on vomitted blood. He tries to stop coughing to stop the blood but I think that made it worst. Our bathroom downstairs were filled with blood everywhere! I'm shaking and crying as I'm typing this! My parents quickly brought him to the military hospital within the base. The doctors tried everything they could to revive him but to no avail. He died there on the hospital bed. Some of our relatives argued that my parents should have brought him to Makati Med. But in such an emergency like that, your first instinct will be to go to the nearest hospital, right? And it was too late! They wanted to do an autopsy to find out what really happened, but my Mum opposed to it. My brother had already suffered during the last moments of his life and we don't want him to undergo such agonizing procedure. We wanted him to go just as clean and good looking as he is, no stitches or whatsoever.

I was staying at my Aunt's place in Mandaluyong when it happened. My sister Tyn just called me. I hurriedly wanted to leave but our driver took off somewhere with the car! I was so frustrated and nervous and all that! Till I had the call confirming my brother's death. I just couldn't move. My Aunt called another Aunt who lives in San Juan and picked us up. When we get to the hospital, I came running to where his lifeless body was. I couldn't belive I'm seeing him under that white cloth! I took it off and just hugged him! My brother! There were still blood all over his body and you could see he's not ready to go yet! I know I'm still in denial back then. Oh, I don't know how to continue with this! I can't stop crying!

I still miss him! I always think of how and what he will be today. He's got big dreams for us! Always wanting to escape my Dad's strict rules. He died 3 days before my birthday. I remember standing in front of his coffin for hours just staring at him. I know it's been a long time but thinking about him still hurts me till now. I still can't figure out why a young boy with so much hope and dreams be taken away just like that! I won't deny that I questioned the Lord during those darkest days of our lives. My brother had so much potential in him! He was just 17 years old then and a freshman in college. I remember how he confided in me about his fears entering college. We were a bit "sheltered" as kids. We grew up in a military base and went to a Catholic school. We never knew about the hard facts of life not until we went out and explore after High School. So I know where those fears came from.

My Dad took his death the hardest. I found a what you call "hate letter" about all of my brother's grievances towards our father. My Dad has no idea what his strictness did to us as kids. But that was too late for him back then because my brother died bringing those resentments with him to his grave. He changed a lot after Jojo's death. My Dad really had an almost 360 degrees turn! He's so lenient now. That's the only thing I can think of why my brother was taken from us. Apart from that, I don't know any reason why one part of our family had to go. I used to think: "Why should Jojo had to die for Dad to change?" We still don't know why the Good Lord took him but I know in time, no matter how long, we'll know the reason why.

"Happy Birthday JOJO! You will always and always be in our hearts! WE LOVE YOU!"